While Bernalwood readers debate the wisdom of installing security cameras along Bernal Heights Boulevard to deter illegal dumping, Neighbor Joe Thomas has developed a high-tech alternative: The Eye of Sautrito!
Inspired by J.R.R. Tolkien and developed by Raytheon in collaboration with DARPA, the Eye of Sautrito will combine high-resolution, full-motion video capability with infrared optics and a frequency hopping, continuous-wave signal calibrated to thwart electronic countermeasures. If illegal dumping is detected in the target area, the Eye of Sautrito uses a directed-energy pulse emitter to permanently disable the ignition systems of perpetrators’ vehicles while also rendering the perpetrators themselves sexually impotent. When fully operational, the system will provide continuous, on-station protection at all times of day and in all weather.
As shown in the rendering above, the Eye of Sautrito would provide 360-degree coverage of Bernal Hill in a secure and tamper-resistant facility perched high above our beloved hilltop.
Citizens of Bernalwood, let’s build this thing.