Greetings from Bernal Isle, Climate Change Vacation Paradise!

Rebel blogger Burrito Justice, chief propagandist of the La Lengua separatists, looked into his cartographic crystal ball recently to understand the impact that global climate change and sea-level rise might have upon our City.

His research generated some bittersweet conclusions. Assuming a worst-case scenario of 200-feet of sea-level rise, San Francisco will become an archipelago. That’s bad news for his beloved La Lengua Autonomous Zone, which will be completely submerged beneath the rising waters. But on the bright side, Bernal Hill will be transformed into a glamorous island with excellent luxury vacation destination potential.

Let’s zoom in for a closer look:

In a must-read post written from the perspective of the year 2072, Burrito Justice envisions life in the San Francisco Archipelago:

With the surprising acceleration of sea level rise due to the melting of both the Greenland and Antarctic ice sheets over the past decade, ferry service has been announced between the new major islands of the San Franciscan Archipelago while the boring machines make progress under the Van Ness Passage and Richmond Pass for the new transit tunnels. [...]

The submerged ruins of the Sunset and the Mission have proved popular diving attractions, [and] many have already forgotten the locations of long-flooded streets and avenues. [...]

While other islands have embraced both bridges and tunnels — the 150 year old bridges across Glen Narrows are scheduled for destruction once the new suspension bridge is completed to Bernal Isle.

What’s fascinating is the fact that Bernal Isle of 2072 is quite a bit like the Bernal Heights of 2012: A scenic haven that’s just slightly cut off from the rest of the City. But Bernal Isle will also enjoy some competitive advantages that Bernal Heights does not; most notably, ample beachfront real estate and convenient tourist access to the submerged ruins of the former Mission District.

Fellow Citizens of Bernalwood, we have an exciting future to look forward to!

IMAGES: Top, Telstar Logistics. Archipelago maps, courtesy of Burrito Justice.

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10 thoughts on “Greetings from Bernal Isle, Climate Change Vacation Paradise!

  1. I always wondered if i would be high enough to survive a tsunami or earth waters rising of tides. I appreciate this effort because it shows that i am indeed safe way up here on the south slope. Now whenever i ask myself “why?” every time i am dragging my tired butt up that nightmare of a hill, i will know that each step is a step to safety! ;) Now i can talk to my therapist about something else next session!

  2. This is perfect! According to the map, my house will still be above water (literally, that is, and metaphorically won’t matter since the mortgage will be paid off by then), and I’ll be turning 100 in 2072. So much to look forward to!

  3. Based on the assumed 200 foot rise in sea level, ALL of the Cortland business district on Bernal would survive, except for Cutting Edge Salon. Sadly it’s east of Folsom, and at that point it’s front door is under water. Land fill anyone? On the other side, Elsie is the last street above 200 feet.

    When you looking at Bernal Isle as a whole it’s not looking so bad. You’ve got:
    Cortland St business district
    Bernal Peak
    Holly Park
    Holly Park Reservoir (gotta have fresh water)
    a small stretch of Mission Street

    All of this, a quick ride over bridges on Richland and Highland.

    Now the question is: does Bernal Isle want to stay an island, or are they wanting to join with the big island by filling in the Glen Narrows?

  4. Sweet! I think we’ll end up with direct beachfront access! Here’s hoping our landlord doesn’t up the rent in between now and then ;-P

  5. don’t fret, long before the sea level rises, Tiffany Street will be the site of an additional Bart station for Bernal residents who need to purchase a latte at 29th and Tiffany before being whisked off to their important daily duties.

  6. and I’m thinking about how much fun it will be to go to my submerged parish church on sunday mornings in scuba gear.

  7. Pingback: Bernal Isle Resort: A Modest Proposal for the Future of Bernal Heights | Bernalwood

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