Jawa Raccoons Besiege Bernal Heights Residence

The attempted takeover of Bernal Heights by imperialist raccoons continues. As you can see in this video filmed this week by Neighbor Ben, the glowing eyes of the crafty creatures reveals that they have been mating with Jawas from Tatooine.

Pro Tip: Hide your droids.

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11 Responses to Jawa Raccoons Besiege Bernal Heights Residence

  1. Esther says:

    I know they’re a menace and everything, but the cutest moment in the video is right at 0:48.

  2. Paulie says:

    They are cute. Not as big as some of the others i have seen around. I watched 5 of them waddle down andover a little while ago and they were HUGE!

  3. BH lovr says:

    What would Peter Orner write about this?

    • Mark Fox says:

      Who Owns The Right To Judge These Animals?
      I was sitting under a tree one night completely in the dark about who is right and who is wrong. I was reading my J C Whitney catalog with a flashlight trying to find the right tools to decide. My mind was wondering a bit after reading all the responses to my Who Owns That House? Then it hit me.

      It wasn’t really an idea that hit me it felt more literal like something landed on my head. I wanted to ignore it and try to understand why so many people were upset with my article. I had hoped to gain favor of a select few with a quick unthoughtful story. This used to be easier when I lived in Chicago, before my mind got clouded. I’ve been having trouble understanding why my neighbors exercise more than me, do less drugs and eat organic. Why did they study so hard and do so well in non government jobs and how could they afford to pay for these new higher housing prices?

      Where they waking up before me, studying while riding bikes at the gym. Was it the lack of pesticides or genetically modified fruits they got from that rejuvenated corner store, or could it be the fair trade organic coffee making them more aware of how wonderful their children were playing at their feet at the new coffee shop. Maybe it was because they got rid of the lotto and the porn magazines under the counter of that empty old store I liked that people were more focused? I’m just not seeing the light here yet. Something is dripping down on my nose though.

      Focus, focus Peter you can get this. Then I started to see. I think it was the Jawa eyes lighting the way. These new people in the neighborhood had more than dreams, they had goals. Goals with dates on them, the most dangerous kinds. Better than dreams or wishes, things that could and would be accomplished. Maybe writing a novel acclaimed by a few people wasn’t accomplishment, maybe making a plan and executing it was accomplishment. Maybe saving money and buying when the market is low is accomplishment. Sitting under a tree and spacing out wasn’t the path to prosperity or security. Sitting under the racoons tree wasn’t smart either. As I figured it out I put my hand to my head.

      It was all shite. All my beliefs and stories were shite, and my hand was full of it, it being glowing raccoon shite. I’m talking with an Irish accent all of a sudden. Maybe it is all the Irish leftovers these guys have been steeling from trash for years. Maybe I got some bad dope and this is all a dream. But it smelled like hummus and feta cheese. You can’t get hummus and feta cheese on the north slope though can you? It’s not concrete or quantifiable but things are changing. Not to worry, I wasn’t to judgmental in that article because the raccoons like it. They just made a deposit on me so they must want to own me. Or could it be that I’ve written trash and trashed my new neighbors and raccoons really dig trash?

      I put my finger to my mouth and ponder. Then it hits me, Feta and Hummus are good together. Do they serve that at the Pop Up? Maybe I can get into this new life and enjoy it a bit more. All I need to do is apologize for being to quick to judge others and get hip to change for the better, fewer drugs and celestially fit women. Is there a tool in this catalog that can help me with that. Here is a big crowbar on page 46

  4. Art says:

    we were invaded by a tribe of them on Winfield Street last week. I discovered them when their point man was coming in our cat door! They left without causing damage. I think I know where they live if they cause enough problems to be relocated.

  5. Frances says:

    This family of f*ckers (there were five of them) destroyed my beloved stoop garden in the course of this adventure. I would put them in raccoon jail if I could!

  6. Val says:

    At least a couple times a month around two or three o’clock in the morning, I will hear noise coming from my roof as if there is someone is walking or running all over the place up there. One night I got up and checked it out and sure enough there two racoons up there. As soon as they saw me they jumped onto my neighbors roof. I find this happens closer to garbage day.

  7. AnonInBernal says:

    Art, I’ve got my cat door up on the second floor where the raccoons can’t get in. Your cat can either jump up/down to a platform or you can build a little bridge, hefty enough to support a cat’s weight, but light/thin enough such that a raccoon won’t try walking on it. Now if it only kept out all the neighborhood cats! Three different cats just wandered in yesterday. I just installed the cat door, so there’s lots of new stuff for everyone to explore! ;)

    If you’re not on a second floor, you can put the cat door inside of a window pane and build a little platform on either side!

  8. Rachel says:

    Woke up the other morning and saw mama raccoon and her four babies on our Precita Avenue deck. The sun was way up already. The babies were pretty big but the mama was pony-sized. They took their sweet time wandering off even after our cat started hurling herself at the sliding glass door.

  9. I wouldn’t trust that raccoons can’t get in a cat door; they live in trees and are climbers. http://forestknolls.info/2011/03/04/twilight-adventure-in-golden-gate-park-raccoons-and-janet-kessler/

  10. Paul Mugnier says:

    We’ve had a succession of garden attacks this week. Anyone else having raccoon problems on Folsom?

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